No, I'm not paranoid or something, it was a big cat, a huge one. actually it wasn't that big at first but grew up to the size of a tiger quickly. NO! I haven't useی any dopes or drugs... she tried to bite me but couldn't, since she was getting bigger... what? yes she was female maybe. since then I believed I can defense myself and I got relax. NOO, I didn't eat too much last night, it was just a true dream came to me...

is it really something with you or I am still the mad caw infected dork? believe or not I'm not the guy to hesitate denying myself as a junky or something, I'll let you easily destroy my landlord and kingdom in your feelings cause they're not my properties, it's just a cloud upon your head you spend lots of energy to build and hate, and then tons of calories to terminate! so you may be the last one or not, you may be the special nerd or not, you may be my guest...
but there's always a chance for everyone who comes in trust and a little bit reason to let me show her/him my real world!

white papers, white lines, white font and invisible me to everyone. wish you were invisible too, so we could rule the world, we could make things happen in their best way, we could make love up the hills and down the dims. wish we could dive into the deep with no cord and no pipe, wish we could jump up to cloads with no cubes and no cages.
black papers and black lines, but this damned crimson colored font is increasing my migraine... black solitude and black nirvana, black temptation in your arms. there're still lucky invisible me and you...

I am writing the unwritten, with my fingers and continuously... I am writing the destiny, the road map and the adventure. I challenge doing my best and this is how the history borns. Freud says "Everywhere I go I find that a poet has been there before me." but where-ever I go, I find a dead body seems to be the poet before me. I've got to create the whole story, word by word, by myself. here it comes...

I couldn't believe, I just couldn't! few steps over, I could add much more joy and entertainment to my life than I could ever imagined... visible joy, feasible passion, extendable exult, expandable parties... I'm earth's new son, and gonna love this life! few steps over and I'm one sight guy getting blind to other facts. unability to hate, I'm the only just-in-love remained human! but these will remain till the end of dope, and I've learned not to over dose, even with the music...
"goodbye bluesky, goodbye...!"

so many alerts a day, we used to receive these alerts. caution tips, attention beeps and warning tones. whatever you enconter several times a day, you'll be more ignorant about them. like police advices about not to talk with your cellphone. charitable ideas are welcome, instead of these kinds of advices.
considering this life, what a dork you are... hanging your head to each request a friend made. faggot don't you understand walking fast through the coridor won't make you important? don't you know getting the opposition state won't make you a superstar?
I think... you really, ...SUCK!

A man was frightened to fly but at last he tried once and became a part of history, cause the airline had no accident since then and that time significantly crashed. in the way back home from grave, his wife was thinking how would her husband feel getting informed the captain of nasty plane was her ex-boyfriend for lifetime. suddenly a voice whispered in her ear, no matter I'm fucking the hostess here and the captain is pretty good with someone else!
take it easy or it'll blow up your mind...

do not follow the instruction, do not read this till the end, do not allow me to pop up in you mind, do not let me shake you, buzz you etc... don't let me use F words, don't make me make a sense, don't let me get out o'mine.
This is the most scary vision I've ever had, destroying all aunts trying to get the seed up the hill. something differs to them and to me, a bowel or a hill...

right hand, raght leg and right eye: up, stress and shut.
left hand, left leg and left eye: down, relax and widen.
now you are the most likely to your feelings. fightning to stay or to leave. trying to realize or to ignore. attempting to conquer or to give up. persisting on force or to acept. pretending to understand or to confess.
judge yourself, are you a valued guy or are you kidding??

I'm here to confess, lord forgive me. I've frightened. from dark, which I made it myself with my lack of knowledge. this empty space smells really dark... deep dark.
fear is a sin, for those who have high targets. you know the space is out of light and dark. you know you wont reach the sun. but you've stepped in. so you are a bastered volunteer. you shouldn't show your back, you shouldn't give up. and fear, is the big sin.
darkness and solitude, concentrate on your faults, but don't look back. run forest, runnn!

lots of lottery tickets to win, the earth is full of opportunities and the lucky guys are doing their best to have more fun. fun job, fun life, fun shopping, fun meal, fun sex and fun discussion! the price is gathering some guys around and tell'em about your ablities to entertain. to seduce the minds and change the hearts. to entertain...
but the questions remain to be answered: the pain sustains in my soul and I still suffer the inefficiency. other questions are about your failed ways to entertain me... actually I love this planet, this life and the whole pigs' shit in it and I'll live even without entertainment...

google stock about to stuck in the top! the titanic overture may happen but these are out of subject items. these 19 year old philosophers are the fact. life won't get simple periodic for them. regular jobs won't make them bore and paranoid tablets won't over doze them.
the fact of life, the most time consuming business for a little ME! damn I've wasted my entire life on you and still you open your dogs to me.
"let me figure it out this way, you take a job and... you become the job." hey you are a real wizard pal, I really prefer to be a simple cabbie than this BIG me...

Heck istead, please. it's better now.
don't hurry ma'am, don't try to chose for your death. it'll be here and you'll be there, just on-time! it's a force, a right, not a choice not a fight.
these shortcuts, make me insane. nasty policies and terms of service, too. I'm dog tired of being Bertrand Russell too. I prefer to be just a simple cabbie, like wizard...

me: you were so kind to me hap, I really gonna miss you...
hap: no man, this is the way I treat all my friends.
me: yeah you are so kind. hope to compensate some day.
hap: come on man, we'd got good memories. I wish I could do better.
me: ...you remember this magnum I bought last week from that nasty gippsy?
hap: yeah man, don't be angry about it, it's gone. you're eyes are changin' man. be cool...
me: I'm OK... I'll be fine
hap: yeah calm down pal
me: you remember you told me it doesn't worth it?
hap: yeah it was a little bit expensive, but just relax and forget about it...
me: you bastered mother fucker, you smell like a stinky pig...
hap: yeah man, you're right, calm down and drive. the train will leave soon
me: yeah you're right. I need some rest

my blog, is my mind's trash can. whenever I dig my past, whenever I whisper my dreams and whenever I feel dep! God's big creature is me. the big ME!
I can imagine in my blog, thousand even millions of eyes stared at me, I can hear the voice of audience, clapping for my terrific poem or lecture, I feel selfish when they call my name, they cry it loud!
roses are everywhere on the scene, so why I have to lie myself?? it's the big ME!

you know if I had even a cock's IQ and a camel's body, it was the big ME! I persist on the big cause I have thanked god million times for it!

God has created butterflies to let Maryam Heidarzadeh for bullshit poetry, and to learn me life is:
live half like a worm, useless creature just eating and growing,
almost the other half, live in a self made prison without any objection,
the few left days as a butterfly...
Lord thank you for let me think at least.

The worst thing in this world, is to know a lot. a lot about me makes you rush to get rid of me, a lot about poletics, you're a dead man! a lot about physiatrics, ruins your joy life. a lot about life drives you mad.
Lord, thank you for not letting me know more
Lord, thank you for hiding my sins
thank you for hiding master keys
for sleep, rest...
denial

- recovery section please, it's really urgent...
- do I know you? yes you are the mother fucker who killed my friend, bang, poof!
- the police is here, yellow cabs are messing around on my mind. you can't park here negger...
- amphetamine is restricted for virgins, decrease your dose and jerk off or pop the funny cherry
- she's running still and takes more victims, get out of the rail pal
- boarder is close right now, you may departure tomorrow early morning, please transmit the amount
- we will, we will rock you... early tomorrow morning.

I sell my past to be able to sell my today,
I sell my today to live till tomorrow,
I sell my future to live better today,
we sell all our livings for more safer death...

Today is the middle of Sha'baan. copy the code bellow and sleep the rest of the day

html
body
%
dim salavat
salavat="اللهم صل علي محمد و آل محمد"
for i = 1 to 1000
response.write("for Mahdi's health: " & salavat)
next
%
/body
/html

days you've got enough time, to think. like a prisoner to your mind. each time I'm thinking of life, tons of words rush into my mind, and I handle them this way:
life is a dream tries to become a nightmare,
life is an opportunity, tries to ruin the others,
life is a promised duty, yells on you for fulfill,
life is a whore, seduces to torture her victims,
life is a tragedy, do you dare to confront??

I recall this song from my childhood:
When we all give the power, We all give the best
Every minute of an hour, Don't think about the rest
And you all get the power, You all get the best
When everyone gets everything, And every song everybody sings
...And it's life

Whenever people run for a buzz on you, they try to seduce you in different ways! tongues or legs, hands or heads, these are body language stylish guys, but there are some other I hate more! the nerds try to seduce you with their past and career! are you with me??
The tables are changing fast, and I'm out of energy... these days. I feel lonely, I confess. stop the process, for god's sake, and let me squeeze my head in my hands, for a moment. stop the runaway chart analysing, stop the fuckin' calculation... stop it or I will pump up again faggots!

I'm an old pig digging my own shit and can't still smell it on my own knees.This wouldn't be another histeric tragedy or some side effects of being few fucking nights of loneliness, this wouldn't be some script of damned dramatic poetry... and this ain't gonnabe a pre suicide testament... I swear!

Living a lie after 26 years of thinkin' I'm a real misanthropic nerd, I'm gonna hate the entire world sometimes, but I'm still in extreme love with my girl friend after 9 years, so I'm a 9 year old humanist living a lie for 26 years! but I really hate all the other mother fuckers around, messin' up their minds with daily repeated things. but I can't get the hell rid of reading some weblogs talking about these periodical feelings, as ordinary as simple people... so I'm living a lie, I'm living in opositions... at least for 26 past years.

Oldman eating peanut with an unbelievable appetite learned me life is going on, while I'm still looking for better diet program to improve my 6 pack! I don't really know what he was thinkin' about staring at boots and boobs party dancers were shakin' or hands were clapping for that youth spirit... I can't feel it. He may recall some dirty stories of his passed days or thinking about the missed ones!
more than ever, I'm gonna hate life, it doesn't really worth it, with all these technology and brain progress we've made! it doesn't worth it...

Dude, actually it's none of my business to warn you away from reckless speculation. But just this once I’ll be the enabler of your bad conscience. Let’s throw caution to the wind and think about laying down a bitch with your new date in Florida and take an often look at your laptop, see how your 100,000 USD bought stucks are growing minute by minute! estimate the few hours later with the same increasing rate, and get into action with your girlfriend! after two or three adorable shots (if you are that kind of hard!) lay back again and relax, open your laptop and... what the fuck??? how the nasty market could crash in just one and a half hour?!!

jack and jill went up the hill
to smoke some marijuana
jack got high unzipped his fly but jill said i don't wanna
jack and jill went up the hill to have a little fun
stupid jill forgot her pill and now they have a son
now some idiot tell me is it bad news or good?!

What You See Is What You Get!

another man downed, down here... he was on the edge, slippy edge he fell from. I should have anticipated this shit. now I ran faster than ever, I ran into the gate, through the folds of fire and smoke. as the kingdom falls and the king dies, the bridge to the old palace ruins. it's a real disaster! people inside the palace have to live forever isolated. and I will rise a flag every morning in respect of the isolated prisoned family.
Now I'm far enough, take a deep breath and look back. the arcs and steeples are still in sight, but I feel better and safer now. I can shiver when the night wind blows and get tan in the daytime sunlight...

Wish I was a little bit taller, something around 7feet or few inches more... with the same weight ofcourse! do you know any surgeon?! we are upside down limited here... the only place in the world with all diversed regulations maybe. Wish I was a little bit heavier, something around 400 lbs or a few more, with the same height for sure!

He died yesterday. I buried him myself... I recall him, from the first days we meet. days which were the approach to my entire life, love and soul... you may not understand. you may not blame me. don't ask me to explain. he made nothing to my life, but he was a powerful evidence. I just needed him to be somewhere. I didn't want him to do anything. and now, I think he was watching me all the time... I didn't do all I could... to save him or to treat him in a better way. and I can't compensate anymore.

To him:

We passed upon the stair
We spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there
He said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone
A long long time ago

Oh no, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World

I found it on the ground, it was dusty and fuzzy. I rubbed it, washed and brushed it. My friend, I'll take care of you, I said.
Now it's genius and I'm fuckin' famous. I'm laughin' out loud and I sing like a black drunk. I'm gonna compensate, he says. with him I'm like a member of this asylem, others are doing well too. I look over, for a million eyes staring at me. This stupid world's fans... starin' at me instead of darin' for a look in mirror. I laugh out loud, scream and make fun of my inferiors. this is the way I rule. this is the way that I manage my life. I train hate in my felows' heart. the best a man can do! I'm even hated during an intercourse. I nurture the curse... The big potential for hate, in me... the big me... me...

She's really tough in controlling shoes off! but mysterious things, are objects around: bended nail to fetch what and from where?! Big brush to rub where and when?!
God bless you Fatme Khanoom! I recall my memories always... and this stored objects won't leave me alone, I know. I bid.
Whazzup? everybody's messin' around. and I'm fucking messed up! yep ma' friend... you've done well. try to hide somewhere, behind some virtual hill. cyber light and cyber shades. live real and revenge cyber! real hate and fake love. knock knock knockin' on neighbour's door...

Blue wine, red apple, gloss made wallet, violet hate, yellow covered book, curved head, damned soul, nerved love and cursed boy... these are my objects to create a story, an amazing one of peace and glory... wisdom, an impressive element of the actual world. "Shame on you Mr.Bush" still in my head, I can't change the world as I couldn't avoid the world war II, could I?
I hope for no more war, may I get some rest before the story? thanks...

I'm gonna waste my time on tables, columns and raws. items are every where and all these are about statistics... meetings and meetings, life does not worth more. tables are for investors, investors for economics and economics for stats and all these for wasting just a little more of time.
put'em all aside, don't forget the security! It's the main thing for wasting time...

I can hear the hunger of nature, her seducing act to rise, and her patience for removing dust out of her wings... but donna where she gets her credit every year. cause it's all about credit these days and poetry won't work anymore. The mother nature seems to be rich enough for each year with this amount of luxury. Hope you luck ma'am!

You can't see the forest for the trees, you can't smell your own shit on your knees... but you can, if you try!

Listenin' Julio, smokin' Marlboro, Waitin' for bed time, divide the estimated time in to quarters and follow the directions: first quarter feel the smoke, upon your head and through your lips, fading other things… second, think about your past, your memories, sweet and sweet! Bitter and bitter… third, think about future, foggy as always, your dim sight as well… fourth, trying to clear what you've think about it before, try to compare and be logic.
It's the most important section! You're fucked up, you know, but try to justify your mind btw. You're always rational, ain't ya?
If it's enough, try to count the sheep: one, two, three, Zzzzz…

Wonderland we live, I ask you for a penny and you're afraid about your judgment day... This guy is tryin' to know much more than God has reserved for him. It's not the problem; the problem is: he's doing the shit in Lord's way... I'll let him say his prayers, after all his movin' mouth up [look at the direction: God is livin' somewhere out there! no! not there, beyond your imagination, look where he looks when he says prayers] he asked me "what the fuck are you starin'at?! didn't ya motherfucker meet a nasty man talking to his Lord in purity before?"

My headache is gettin' a problem these days...

A deep pain in mad cow's eyes ruined my day. I didn't dare to look again but it didn't solve the problem. Her voice had surrounded all the space telling:

"I had a dream, followed it day by day, a non-started journey, and a non-stopped one. A mind flow with no source, and no destiny. A completely no return trip to philosophy! a cow boy's hand in sand, but empty; an in bed squeezed lover couple, with no passion; a waving hand in her hairs, with no seduction... I didn't feel the life this way, honestly!
Then I started dreaming again. Dreaming what I had dreamed before about life. This could be my last journey... a journey to nightmare."

The end and the begining, both were only titles... but I was inspired, by the way.

Smoke has covered all the faces around, and I like it! I'm singin':
My boy, Africa,
My boooye Africa,

and I'm not a negger,
by the way,
My boy, Africa,
My boy, I'm a KKK fan,
My boy Africa....

and smoke has covered every where...
laugh out loud, I can dance like a rain man now... My boy...

E(mad)

You know I'm Iranian? my mother tongue is Persian, I can do slang like "zimin khoordatim" or "nokaretam be mola"....
I may even be able to feed a new dose of acetaminophen... I got my own way for fuckin' literature... specially when it's got more than 2 millenium history!

but it's good now... I'm shaping my feelings... This way... Auhh... good!

I hate punkees, rapists, hard rockers, popers, jazzers, metal lovers, raggers, folklorish guys, old song singers, alternative fans and the rest of people; but how disgusting is a world without music...

No problem, hate comes to me when I see something irrelevent:
ketabemoghadas

have your own way, leave the rest of world man!

Today, started as always... normal ache and normal pain, in usual
and expectable places. Thinking, the damned thing never has left
me. How generous are you Lord. You created me, and specified me
from animals, by thinking... then you left me with something has
never left me, thinking... But Lord! you hide the master keys... you
decided, to keep me in darkness... Today, it's my lament... for lost
passed days in misunderstanding... Thanks Lord, Thanks...

Wish I could stop, sometimes. stop doing thing I really don't like. Am I unlucky?? my life is ruined!! I have money, I have backup, I have my job and I like it... but I can't stop sometimes... "rephrased" told me, I'm getting fully engaged with my work, so do I. Emad, you're gonna be a slave, of your business...
Really I don't know where I'm going, it just seems that I can't stop to get there... I am in hurry! that's it... I'm fload in shit, more struggle I do, more I get downed... but even it could be beautiful!

I'm enjoying blogging with no eyes on me, and he thinks how it should be?! idiot one, ofcourse, I am; cause he'd enjoy life much more than me... really, how's being in life and see no one? I bet these guys have never wondered the target of their lives. and this is happiness! not mine... actually I'm in a aquarium, tons of fooling around eyes, are on me. but this "me", is too small to be able to focus. the problem with people, is their focus on you! I mean when you become their subject to focus, you'll fucked up... you have no one interested in fuck with you, you're lucky! this explains solitude, the real nirvana... by the way the fucker asked me how is "you are married and cyber at the same time?!"

Yes, I'm user friendly, but first check the expiration date...

Hipe, whype Ipe should biep asp every other daype?
cause it's snowing right now, and I may leave my car behind, I'll pull my shoes' rope up... powerful, to take off from land, and swing into the sky... I can fly to home today, so why shouldn't I leave my car behind? it's snowing, hard enough to be a different day.
Mype love isp waiting for meip... @home...
she's waiting for me... and I can't wait to get there. is this true hate? yep, I hate time when I can't be where I like to be... how long I'll repeat this repeated repeating story every day? repeat it 3 times to realize. by the way she's waiting and it's enough to let me leave my car behind.
whype are youp trying top keeping onp? fuck off
today is snowing hard...

To whom it may concern,

!--Fuck the world--
Life is beautiful... I love it...

...s mean: You know what I'm talkin' about,
Also may mean: if you don't know, fuck your nasty ass off.

Sorry I used lots of F words!

Emad